My third year at the ENSIMAG was some sort of black-hole from my blog's point of view XD
But well, I'm gonna try dotclear now at the following URL.
It's still highly experimental, but I don't think I'll write on LJ after this post ever again... so if you're reading this, you might as well check the new blog out ;)

I've stumbled today on a documentary that validated my beliefs regarding discrimination. How it is not a problem of the past. How all discriminations work the same and are ultimately groundless and self-justificative.

If you have never heard of Jane Elliott, please take one hour (come on, what else can you do in one hour anyway ? Can't you eat in front of the computer or something ?) and watch this video :



I swear it is worth the trouble. I'll go as far as saying this video should be spread and watched by absolutely everyone.

And in case you'd think it's some old documentary with no link to the present or you'd just want to know more, check this and this out.

Jane Elliott is a hero.

In the comments to my previous post, a friend (and much respected sempai) said :

Hum, there are beauty too in joice, but it is really harder to make it appear without sounding naive, akward or simplist.
It is simpler to draw beauty out of sadness, nearly all people can do it.
But being a true artist is needed to do the same from happyness. And it is propably easier with painting than with word, because words are ... a little not very well cut to describe happyness.
Do you agree ?

I do not and as I was writing an answer I realized I had a lot to say on the matter XD
Enough to make it a post instead of a comment. Here goes!

First, I don't think so many people can draw beauty out of sadness. I never cease to amaze at how many people I show my poems to seem unable to see any kind of beauty in there at all, and shrug it off with a "it's dark so it can't be good".

Now, as for why it is easier to make art in periods of sadness than in periods of happiness, I have my own theory and it goes as follows.

• Dark emotions are much more overwhelming than light ones. I know it sounds pessimistic, but I don't care. Countless times I saw my happiness annihilited by little bad things, countless times I attempted vainly to rejoice at little good things when the overall situation was bad.
• Dark emotions are more easily shared than light ones. Think about two words : compassion and jealousy. Knowing that people you don't like or are indifferent to are happy is unlikely to make you any happier (it isn't even automatic when you love them ^^'), but it is part of humanity to feel sad for people completely unrelated to you.
• Dark emotions are hard to handle. Artists tend to be highly sensitive people and their creativity sometimes makes their emotions even harder to handle... expressing these emotions is a good way to put them into perspective, plus it's an instinctive urge in many people.
• Good emotions never last long enough and you may get too busy enjoying them while they're here or worrying about how to protect them to share them.

Finally, words are exactly as fit to describe happiness as they are to describe sadness and that is : not much. It draws on talent more than on creativity to fit words to emotions, situations, etc... but that's the same with every art. Most people are barely able to draw something that can be recognized, let alone carry a whole dimension of emotions to it. Now why would manipulating words be any different than manipulating pencils ? I think it is the same.

Phew, it really turned way too long for a comment XD

On to something completely different : I said good-bye to EB a few hours ago. I won't see her again for years to come, but I know I will someday, so I won't cry (anymore ^^').

Take care, EB.

Here it is, the much anticipated "end-of-era" depression...

I'm trying my best to stay cool and hopelessly failing.
I don't want to go back and I don't want to leave here.

Here are some naive verses that came to my mind yesterday (while I was crying at a EB's) :

Welcomed me with a smile,
Saw me off with a tear.
You can't go all that far,
My heart is pretty near.
Until we meet again,
As we are bound to do,
I shall treasure the time
I got to spend with you.

OK, they're not that great (I've done much better... much worse too, though ^^'), but it's been ages I haven't written anything T_T

Thank you EB. For everything.

If you haven't already (or if you did but barely remember), I suggest your read "How to Say Nothing in 500 Words" by Paul McHenry Roberts.

If, unfortunately, you lack the will or time to read it wholly, at least you should try a summary.

This essay is a very good lesson on writing but it's not the reason why I share it with you today.

Though I've seen many instances of writing lessons that directly display the effects of their own teachings, this one is outstanding.

Just look my favorite paragraph :

Beware also of nouns of very general meaning, like circumstances, cases, instances, aspects, factors, relationships, attitudes, eventualities, etc. In most circumstances you will find that those cases of writing which contain too many instances of words like these will in this and other aspects have factors leading to unsatisfactory relationships with the reader resulting in unfavorable attitudes on his part and perhaps other eventualities, like a grade of "D." Notice also what etc. means. It means "I'd like to make this list longer, but I can't think of any more examples."

When I read the first two sentences, I thought :

"I see... Isn't this sentence a bit heavy though ? ...Hey... wait a minute!" XD

Diablo III is a hack'n'slash and most likely a very much awaited one XD

Wait. What is a hack'n'slash anyway ?

Here goes my own definition : a game where the main objective is to kill thousands of enemies to get stronger (by experience and/or looted equipment) so that you can kill thousands of even stronger enemies!


I can't say I'm a big fan of hack'n'slash myself, as I've never played monsters like Diablo, Diablo II or any opus of the Devil May Cry saga.

I've spent a fair share of hours on Hellgate : London and Titan Quest, but got weary of both long before the end of the main quest. The only hack'n'slash I've really enjoyed is Champions of Norrath (and its sequel Return to Arms), and what made it special was that I played it with my best friend, instead of alone.

I've read that the best quality of Diablo is its replay value. I've never played the game myself, so I wouldn't know for sure, but I think "in multiplayer mode" is understated.

In fact, killing endless mobs of ugly monsters is fun. But it gets obviously repetitive. Only if you play with friends will the pleasure ever be renewed. And the best part is (for me) that the essence of multiplayer mode is cooperation and not PvP (I hate PvP >_<).


On to Diablo III now. I've stumbled upon the gameplay video of Diablo III. It's really outstanding. The Havok physics engine applied to hack'n'slash does a wonderful job... and seeing the way the barbarian uses scales makes it up for all the booooring scale-climbing done in so many other games.

I want this game. I know I'll have to wait a good while from now, as its release date still hasn't been announced, but I want this game XD At last something to satisfy my barbarian needs XD XD XD


Let's just hope my new computer will be good enough ^^'

How subtly hard it is to keep a blog up to date through years...

Yes, years! I started mine in November 2006, which is more than a year and a half ago and I could be wrong but I'd call that years rather than months...

Anyway, I haven't been online very much for decades (that one is a crazy exaggeration, o beloved exaggeration) and even after finally managing to actually do something on Facebook (I spent a year without logging in after subscription ^^'), I have neglected my poor blog, isn't that just cruel ? T_T

My JYPE (Junior Year Program in English) is almost finished... I'll soon have to go back home, hardly in time to look for a place to live in Grenoble during 6 months (despite my desire to meet some people there, I really don't feel like going back to Grenoble >_<).

In a more detailed fashion, I'll take a plane back to France on August 18. Who knows how many days I'll be jetlag-dead. XD

Overall, this year abroad has been very fulfilling, albeit demanding as hell.

I discovered a lot about myself and might even have gained a bit of self-confidence here and there (nothing optimistic, my religion won't allow it ;).

I also improved in a lot of areas, the most obvious of all being Japanese. Here is where I am now :

1. I can understand enough to watch and enjoy movies and anime without subtitles.
2. I can read furigana-empowered mangas without a dictionnary.
3. I can communicate with Japanese people in a variety of situations ranging from first meeting to medical visit.
4. I cannot read most reading material that don't have furigana.
5. I cannot play most video games.
6. I cannot use Japanese websites efficiently (and not at all for many of them).

After only one year spent in Japan, I deem my own progress satisfying, but the problems start here... How do I preserve what I gained through this year ? And how will I go further without the support and motivation I got while in Japan ?

I am no foreteller. I'll do what I can and see where it gets me.

Que sera sera.

Just before I leave to reach my university in time for an exam, let me share this awesome video that reminds me a lot of the time I spent in IGAM :D

Enjoy :]

Sorry but it's too early yet for the trip pictures... I wish I had enough time to talk in great lengths about it but lately I have barely enough time to sleep (though the big difference with my previous overbooked periods is that I know what I do and I'm happy with it XD) ^^'

Still, I can't let this one go without sharing it with you guys :

OK, then... I've got a question : what else could prevent Firefox, or any other software, from installing something ? Are there expected installation errors out there as well ? XD XD XD

I root for a Sleepy Hollow's style "Because...", now wouldn't that do for a great useless error message ? XD

I've been on a sightseeing trip for the first time in my life. And I discovered... that I'm not into sightseeing at all ^^'
It's not that I can't enjoy the view of a zen garden, the visit of a museum or just hanging out in a city I've never been to before... It's more that being in a place that is very famous and/or taking photos of it doesn't fill me with the sheer joy it seems to fill all the sightseeing freaks I've seen around (and Japan may well be the top factory of sightseeing freaks ^^')...

Had I been alone, it would have merely been a bitter disappointment. I guess I understand now what people must feel who discover at some point they can't appreciate art, music, litterature, etc. It's unpleasant to discover you are different from the mass (at least, it's always been unpleasant for me), but the real sadness in it is that there is a great pleasure of life that's forever out of your reach T_T.

But I went with a Chinese friend... and pretty much spoiled her trip because I was tired, depressed and disappointed, three mental conditions that turned me into a complete asshole against my will and despite my efforts. So I really feel guilty about it... And two days ago, I felt so bad, I thought I should never talk to anyone ever again... But then I met my new Japanese roommates (the school year starts in April, here), and I saw JYPE people I hadn't seen in months... And everyone was so nice to me... Nah, I just can't give social relationships up, neither in Japan nor anyone else, not even in another dimension, just no way XD ;)

But I still saw a lot of interesting things and took pictures aplenty that I will upload on my blog soon (not now though because I'm too busy with the beginning-of-semester-paperwork XD).

And hey, I've also discovered I really love Sendai!
I mean, I already knew I loved Sendai, but I didn't know if it was Sendai itself or just the Japanese city in Sendai I loved... Now, I know. I love Japan alright. But when I came back to Sendai, just by putting my feet on the ground of Sendai Station, I felt the surge of sheer joy I initially expected in sightseeing, and for the first time in my life I felt home in a place rather than by somebody's side... And in a train station, nothing less!

I really love Sendai. I really feel home in Sendai. I really wish I could settle here. Really.

大好きの仙台！

I love proving sayings wrong... Yet I must admit I'd like for this one to be entirely true.
I haven't given any sign of life to any of you during the past few weeks. Yet I'm not well. At all.

I won't give precise details here. Just know that my mother is sick. And it's serious. So serious that I thought I was gonna lose her at a time.

Now, she's better but I ain't gonna break free from the fear for a long time.

Panic struck me, as did guilt, doubt, regrets, sorrow and self-pity. I feel bad (and a little ill myself, though it is nothing serious at all, thank goodness) and severely exhausted.

My Spring Break in France is gonna end soon and my best friend will be the only friend I've seen (and I'm glad I did see him, 'cause he's gone to America for 6 months and I have no idea when we'll meet again) over here.

I will go back to Japan a lot more exhausted and homesick than I left it. Yet I won't regret coming home since there are good chances my mother would have died if I hadn't.

What I want to express in this post isn't just a late and major news update.

I want to apologize to all of you guys because I really was happy just by thinking I would see you again, even for just a day or two, or less. But I couldn't bring myself to leave my mother after what happened... And I couldn't bring myself to tell any of you before today because I'm a selfish and coward bastard (and here comes the self-pity and self-disgust again, may they go as swiftly as they came, amen).

Gomen ne.

As some of you already know, I'm gonna come back to France for about 5 weeks. In my university, the Spring Break lasts two months.

I'm gonna take the train in a matter of hours now, head to Tokyo, spend a night there and, tomorrow, take a plane to France. And I'll take a plane back to Japan on the 03/17.

I'm finally through with packing my things and my room looks like a room for the first time in weeks XD
I wish I could teleport myself to home... I love planes but I hate all the hassle of check-in/passport/luggage-carrying/commute/ask-your-way/whatever ^^'

And because my curse hasn't really lifted since my arrival in Japan, it had to snow the day before I was to go through Sendai with heavy wheeled luggage T_T

But I'm looking forward to be home and see my family and friends :D

And I know I'm already pretty late organizing my "trip"... Exams, labwork, administration, you-name-it, I couldn't think about my holidays during the past months at all T_T

Well, anyway, it's gonna be home, it's gonna be France, it's gonna be readable, yeepee :D

I went to the cinema yesterday and after much hesitation, I finally chose to watch Bridge to Terabithia.
I had only seen the trailer and it made me think it was a Narnia-style children movie.

Now... Is it just me or has the genre literally bursted after the combo Lord of the Rings x Harry Potter?

I may be wrong on this one, but I remember clearly my thirst for this kind of fantasy movies when I was little... So much that I got to worship Fantaghiro and the like.

But since Harry Potter proved to Hollywood's producers it was actually possible to earn money out of children's dreams, I get the impression they're dying to put any similar work on screen (and sometimes they shouldn't be in such a hurry... 'specially about Narnia, if you'd ask me).

I thought Terabithia was another Narnia... A big story of children becoming rulers of a fantasy world and a big budget but nothing else (note that I still have to swallow my disappointment at the movie to get around to read the book, so what I'm saying is absolutely unrelated to the original work of Narnia)... And I'm still ashamed of how utterly wrong I was.

I'd advise anyone to watch it somehow, but to prepare the tissues, 'cause Terabithia is a sad movie.

And I went to the bookshop after the movie, to try getting my hands on Patricia Cornwell's "Cruel and Unusual"... and I bought the book behind the movie, Bridge to Terabithia.

I just finished the book a while ago and cried again (yeah, I'm a crybaby, ain't new) at the exact same point...

And at the same time I was left uneasy by the differences between the book and the movie... I mean, I'm no longer the hopeful child who'd be dismayed by her favorite scene not living up to her expectations. I can tell the difference between the changes that had to be made and those that were made, period.

For instance, the movie's heroin is a strikingly beautiful little girl. The kind of little girl you can't help linking the word "princess" to. And you get fairly well why the other kids hate her : they resent her beauty, her brains and open mind.
The book's heroin isn't beautiful. She's a tomboy. Not a tomboy just because she wears pants or talks back to boys (it never ceases to amaze me how it's easy for some people to stick "tomboy" on perfectly feminine young women... come on guys, meet me at age 9, you'll see what a tomboy really means!)... a real tomboy all the way. At their first meeting, the hero doesn't even know if she's a she or a he. And of course, you also get fairly well why the other kids hate her...

It's just... not the same kind of hatred. It's not jealousy. It's the good ol' ostracism and nothing else.

Anyway, there are a lot of details that were changed between the book and the movie. And not all of them make sense to me... I mean, what was going in their heads when they decided the heroin would go from black-haired to blond and the hero from straw-blond to plain brown? Or when they picked a dog that looks nothing like the book's?

Okay, such details are harmless... which makes me wonder all the more why they were changed, by the way.
Other details deeply change the way the audience is going to percieve the characters and emotions. Like the hero's dad... Honestly hated him in the movie (where the mother was transparent)... But he's fine in the book (where I hated the mother). Details were changed and other added to make the dad a horrible character. Why? Is it personal? Is the scenarist or the director someone who has father image issues?

Anyway, I'm finding myself wondering more and more about the moviemakers' motives behind changes...

Oh and the gold medal of distance between book and cinematographic adaptationd definitely goes to I Am Legend :)

If you've never heard about the sentence I used as a title, I'd advise the following website.

(Note : I've bought myself a T-shirt and a mousepad. They're awesome XD)

A befitting title for a post where I just want to share some quotes I stumbled upon a few seconds ago.

My favorites being :

• "C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." - Bjarne Stroustrup
• FORTRAN is not a language. It's a way of turning a multi-million dollar mainframe into a $50 programmable scientific calculator.
• Computer interfaces and user interfaces are as different as night and 1.
• Programming is an art form that fights back.
• There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
• You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
• Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

And the best of all (it goes without saying that it's my very own personal appreciation XD) :

"It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?"

Makes me happy stack pointers are so unlikely to commit crimes... XD

Time to stop fooling around online and go back to work (kanji exams tomorrow, sic) so see ya guys :D

Yeah, the first semester's gonna end very soon now... And with the end of a semester comes the usual pack of exams ^^'

I've got to memorize 25 grammar lessons and more than 200 words worth of vocabulary by Monday, then 251 kanjis by Thursday...

Of course, it only means reviewing, not actual learning (in the latter case, I'd give up without hesitating a bit -_-).

Yet instead of reviewing, I'm reading ^^'
I've been reading a lot during the past few weeks, ever since I found a bookstore that sells English books (yeah, my Japanese hasn't improved that much yet XD).

Right now I'm reading Patricia Cornwell's first novel : Postmortem.
I've decided I'd read the entire Kay Scarpetta's saga from the beginning... I've read most of those already, but translated in French and believe me it feels different.

Before trying yet again to kick my own ass out of reading and into working, I want to share with you an awesome quote :

All this when I know human relationships are not founded on reason any more than my roses are fertilized with debate.

BIHASL XD

Do you know the firension (= Firefox + extension) StumbleUpon ?
If you don't, I can but advise you to try.

At any rate, the latest thing I stumbled upon is worth mentioning because it states in a very funny way something I've only realized by coming to Japan and spending time with students from all over the world as well as (of course) Japanese people : the French and the Japanese have at the very least one thing in common... They're awful at English XD

Now, of course, I don't think that every French and/or Japanese person is awful (I know at least two French persons who are probably better than some native speakers and, for those who'd think I'm boasting, this count does by no mean include me).

But honestly, in average, we suck. Both us and Japanese people. And yes we are special. At least from what I've witnessed and from hearsay among international students... We really do outstandingly suck.

And I wonder why... I mean, why the French and the Japanese of all people around the world ?
Is it a linguistic problem ? Historical ? Do genetics have anything to do with it or is it just a genuine and culturally-powered lack of goodwill ?

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the Observations on Lethality as much as I did and I go back to work (yeah, you read me well, work, honestly) :)

I wish you all indeed a happy year 2008!

From the bottom of my heart, I wish for all of you the best credible paradise ever (to my mind) :
May this year get you closer to your dreams without tearing you down and may your loved ones be safe.

Oh and just for the sake of trilinguality (one of my dreams, though it's still very far from my reach) :
Bonne Année!
Happy New Year!
明けましておめでとうございます！

Merry Christmas to all of you!
Including those who will read this at a much later time!
And those who will never read it at all!

I'm soooo glad I finally get to enjoy a real break! First time since... err... I don't even remember...
My first months in Japan... And just before that a week to prepare my flight... And just before that the nightmarish hell of an internship I endured... And just before that the end of 2nd year's project... And just before that the exams... And just before that... Hey, I don't even remember what was just before that so clearly anymore ^^'

But now, I'm pleased to say I have time on my hands, AT LAST!!

Main objective : to get rest.
This is going very well, for now. For instance, last night, I've gone to bed at 9 (which is pretty early, even for me) and I barely came to mind enough to notice before going back to sleep only four or five times until... 10 this morning!
That's right, 13 hours of sleep! Quite a record when I'm not sick (and I'm not, for all I know)!

Apart from that objective, I have made no plans at all... I've considered going to Oosaka and watch Takarazuka, but I guess I'll postpone it because it's too late to book any bus or hotel at a reasonable price.
Anyway, I've yet to really visit Sendai, so I should take advantage of my planless holidays to do just that.

I won't make any promises but as I've got time for the first time in such a loooong while, you may hear from me much more in the next few days (I've got a lot of things to catch up with on the present blog :) so stay tuned ;)

Kanji are really interesting... The most basic ones were made from pictures (though the link with the picture may sometimes be as blurry as it can get) and the others are more or less composed of them.
Sometimes, it makes perfect sense...
The best example probably being :
木（き）= tree
木＋木＝林（はやし）= grove
木＋林＝森（もり）= forest

But sometimes, though it probably made sense at the time a (Chinese) monk created the kanji, either because the kanji itself was somehow modified through the years, or because meanings were lost, added or otherwise modified, it doesn't make any sense anymore. Or at least, Japanese people will simply be clueless about the reasons behind the combination.

But even if the kanji's composition is weird, it's usually easier to remember a kanji as a combination of easier kanji than as a whole thing for people who were born in countries that weren't invaded by the kanji army (yet).
Though I, for one, should say that after a while, when you get really used to a kanji, you stop thinking about its' parts altogether, you don't even see them anymore.

All this long introduction for one kanji I find particularly interesting...
日（ひ）= sun, day
音（おと）= sound
日＋音＝暗（くら「い」）= dark

Now, I asked my kanji teacher if he could explain how the sound of the sun could be related to darkness and he told me I would look it up and tell me next time. I shall tell you as soon as I get more information about this one ;)

Meanwhile, you can follow me in my contemplation of the absurd poetry of the "Sound of the Sun" :)

And I can get to the real subject of my post (which is, as one could expect on a personal blog, me ^^')...
Every 28 days, I get depressed... Though _every single_ time I find very good a posteriori reasons to be depressed, I did notice how curious it was that my reasons to be depressed weigh on me on a "moonly" basis ^^'
Yet, knowing my state of mind is heavily influenced by my hormones doesn't help at all. It would be so simple if finding the reason of a problem solved it, but with psychological problems, whether of chemical origin or not, it's not that easy T_T
Now, usually, passed the critical period of pain and depression, I get back to "normal" state... But sometimes, I somehow get too low in the depression and don't find enough energy to come back to normal state in a matter of hours... It's been days now and though I do my best to get out of it, I still feel I'm swimming in darkness. And it's unfair because for once I have no real reasons to be depressed... I'm just so tired... I wish I could just sleep for a week or so...

I need a break ^^'

Why do I always need a break when I really can't afford one ? まったくもう！ -_-

Yeah, procrastination is Evil. Not just evil, mind you, but Evil. And I know it.

Especially when you lack time... And I should admit I'm enjoying a life full of events and opportunities here in Sendai... Or should I say overfilled ? ^^'

I've made up my mind about what I'd like to do during the next three years and am going to reveal my plan here even though I've yet to figure if it's really in my reach or not...

Next year, in September, I'll have no choice but to go back to the ENSIMAG for 6 months.
On the bright side, it means I'll be able to see some precious friends and to discover the new members of the IGAM club :D And I'll be able to join the LANSAD department's Japanese lessons once again, which is simply wonderful XD
On the dark side (and no you don't know it's power ^^'), it means I'll have to spend 6 months in a city I hate (I don't even know why I hate Grenoble, though...) and follow the dullest lessons in the universe in a university where I met the best and endured the worst teachers I know up to today during two years which felt more than enough already -_-

Concerning the "PFE" (Projet de Fin d'Etudes = End of Studies Project = 6 months (slavery) internship), I hope I'll be able to join the NII (Japan's National Institute of Informatics) special research program that has been offered to ENSIMAG students every year for some time already. It'd mean I would be in Tokyo for 6 months, with a reasonable scolarship provided by the NII.
If I'm not accepted on this program, which is entirely possible, I'll have to settle for something in France... Which, I must admit, after my three months personal experience of hell at PriceMinister, doesn't appeal to me very much T_T

After graduation, I'd like to spend two extra years in Sendai and get a Master degree from Tohoku University.
Actually, this idea didn't come to me out of nowhere : Nishizeki-sensei, professor of the laboratory I'm currently doing research in, himself suggested that I did so :D
Apparently, I'd have to pass an exam and to become fluent enough in Japanese to follow lectures... Which means I'm absolutely unsure of it being in my reach or not...
On the other hand, I have no reason to believe that it's impossible for me. :]

My most obvious reasons are that I love Sendai enough to want to spend the rest of my life in it (weren't it for the people I'd leave in France T_T) and Tohoku University enough to want to obtain a real diploma from it (and not just the JYPE participation certificate ^^')...

But I've also been considering how unmatched the opportunity is to improve my Japanese and knowledge of Japan.
And having a diploma from one of the best French computer science engineer schools AND one from one of the 7 best universities of Japan sounds to me like a good way to open the doors to any country :D I may be a little naive in that respect, but still, it will prove quite a lot about my internationality and mobility XD

But this magnificent plan will obviously require a lot of work on my part (I wonder when exactly I became a workaholic... I used to be such a lazy kid... Ah, good ol' times XD), and I'm leaving my blog once again, to get a bit more of it done ;)

Bye! ^x^