I love proving sayings wrong... Yet I must admit I'd like for this one to be entirely true.
I haven't given any sign of life to any of you during the past few weeks. Yet I'm not well. At all.

I won't give precise details here. Just know that my mother is sick. And it's serious. So serious that I thought I was gonna lose her at a time.

Now, she's better but I ain't gonna break free from the fear for a long time.

Panic struck me, as did guilt, doubt, regrets, sorrow and self-pity. I feel bad (and a little ill myself, though it is nothing serious at all, thank goodness) and severely exhausted.

My Spring Break in France is gonna end soon and my best friend will be the only friend I've seen (and I'm glad I did see him, 'cause he's gone to America for 6 months and I have no idea when we'll meet again) over here.

I will go back to Japan a lot more exhausted and homesick than I left it. Yet I won't regret coming home since there are good chances my mother would have died if I hadn't.

What I want to express in this post isn't just a late and major news update.

I want to apologize to all of you guys because I really was happy just by thinking I would see you again, even for just a day or two, or less. But I couldn't bring myself to leave my mother after what happened... And I couldn't bring myself to tell any of you before today because I'm a selfish and coward bastard (and here comes the self-pity and self-disgust again, may they go as swiftly as they came, amen).

Gomen ne.